The Importance Of A Peer Lead Self Care Tool Kit By Melissa Theophanous

Peer support groups are designed to develop human connections and promote the freedom to be ourselves. Connections made in a peer support group can help to unlock potential in others. 

They offer a safe space to support each other, sharing life stories, building on own individual skills and supporting mental health.  The peer lead would create and facilitate this place. 

The role would require the person to have a lived experience of the group subject/topic.  It needs an equal, perhaps a person who has walked the walk but in different shoes.  Knowing you are not alone and that you have a place to feel safe enough to share or to just listen.

This can be triggering and stir up old emotions, it may be useful to have some counselling or alternate therapy before taking on this role.  It is always good to reflect what skeletons might be lurking in the subconscious.

Self-care is vital for any person in role that requires us to support and empower one another.  Having the ability to empathise on a deeper level is sometimes what drives us to these roles.  This means we are at a higher risk of burnout or compassion fatigue.  Knowing our limits is the key to preventing these from occurring.

”Becoming a single parent has been likened to a plane crash, the sensations and feelings are often the same. However, the safety instructions are always the same. Attend to your own oxygen mask before your children’s. As if you need to be in a fit and healthy position in order to be able to care for your children. “

It is essential for Peer Leads to attend their own ‘oxygen mask’ before attending to those around them in their role, because if they aren’t in strong and resilient place, then they won’t be able to support and empower those around them.

Communication

Feeling able to communicate any issues, queries or suggestions that may arise with the group.  Saying NO is ok, knowing your boundaries and what you are willing to compromise on.  

Feeling comfortable in communicating your boundaries as well as communicating group rules, health and safety and what your role entails as a Peer Lead. Which will manage other’s expectations and make it clear what your role is.

You can also build into your practice mantras and sayings that you can use when you find yourself in a difficult conversation or situation that you aren’t sure of the answer or don’t feel comfortable with.

Having a holding sentence or mantra will really help to practice, so that you can make the right decision in that moment, and consult with those on your team.

Something like:

“This sounds difficult, can I get back to you by…”

“I really want to give this some thought and give you an answer by…”

Using non violent communication techniques is a great skill to have in your tool box, especially when having difficult conversations or addresses serious issues like safe guarding. There are examples of further reading around this in the Peer Lead links on the training page.

Your role as a Peer Lead will be to make people feel welcome, here are some examples of some convesation starters for when you meet people and families for the first time:

Match child with parent, how old etc?

What part of Wales do you live in?

Is this your first time?

Have you had far to travel?

Communication are the building blocks for any Peer Lead role and it is also very important that a Peer Lead communicates with other people in the organisation and remembers that they aren’t working in isolation.

Learning to let go 

Knowing that you cannot fix or solve anyone's problems.  This can be a really hard area to understand, it can take over, it can prevent you from actually doing what you should be doing SUPPORTING AND EMPOWERING!  

To maintain confidentiality of group details and any disclosures.  To know when you may have to break these agreements and how to do so safely. All of which was covered in your training.

Making sure that you are fostering healthy relationships rather than co dependent, or hand holding relationships that hold secrets and don’t empower or foster independence. It is really difficult to not want to solve people’s problems and take on more of a support worker role, but this goes against the ethos of a peer lead. You can always signpost and guide, and learning to let go of any guilt around this is really important.

Taking some time out

When you have a holiday from school/work etc, it is important to take a holiday from Peer Lead work too, the group will need it at times too. The wellbeing wheel is great tool to use to check in with ourselves as a whole. You can adapt the wheel to whatever you feel is important to you and your self-care needs. Make sure you set firm boundaries around what times you can be contacted and when you are taking time away on holiday, or to have a break.

Make sure you don’t put too much into your Peer Lead schedule and regularly check in with yourself. What’s my emotional weather like? Stormy, sunny, cloudy or raining? If you aren’t feeling emotionally well, and need a break it’s important that you recognise this and take some time out, rest recoup and then come back revived and restored as a Peer Lead.

Creating your own self-care tool kit and why?

The aim would be to comfort you in times of need. I would suggest creating a box full of things you love and need reminding of from time to time.  

Creating a box means that you can access it without hassle.  So you are more than likely to reach for it at times of need, rather than hunting for the items individually and creating more stress.

Some things to consider ….

Candles, hand cream, crystals, feathers, chocolate, essential oils, bubble bath, massage oil, incense, photos, chamomile tea, lavender spray, films, music, a note to self or from a loved one.   

Remember you can add to the kit whenever you feel the need to.  Also, very important to replace the chocolate if you have eaten it!!! 

It’s important that you delve into your self care box regularly and ‘top up’ your needs.  There is no correct time but just remember it is there as and when you recognise and acknowledge that you need it.  

If all else fails reach out, do not suffer alone, remember why you started. Sometimes we get too caught up in the politics? 

Check out Melissa Theophanous’ other blog about anger where this are 75 examples of self care tips for single parents.

Melissa Theophanous is a Humanistic Existential Counsellor and you can get in touch via email on melissatheo1980@gmail.com

If you’d like to receive free Peer Lead training then get in touch with amy@singleparentswellbeing.com