Post Christmas Gratitude Slump by Rachel Brydon Calm in the Chaos
Christmas has come and gone and you’re feeling a bit deflated as the long nights and cold days lay ahead, and you’re feeling like your children don’t appreciate the effort you went to at Christmas or are not grateful for the gifts they received. How do you get past this?
Reflect
First things first, have a proper look at what is irritating you and causing you to react. Is their behaviour really any different? Are you more tired? Or feeling unappreciated by the co-parent? By knowing what is the root cause of our triggers, we are in a far better place to overcome them.
Action
Your behaviour feeds into their behaviour, that can be for good or for bad. So if your energy is low it will affect them. Rule out anything medical, and if you think there may be a relapse in depression or anxiety, seek professional help. If you’re suffering from post Christmasitis though, make a determined effort to raise your energy to a happier one. Being silly together really works for this, and you can even use it as a tool for getting the Christmas detritus put away by having an hour of only being allowed to do silly dancing as you sort the tree and decorations away with loud Christmas songs in the background.
Notice
Are you good at noticing the small things to be grateful for? My top tip is to say it out loud when something nice happens to you. Even when my son was very young, I’d comment to him things like ‘oh that was so nice of that lady to hold the door for us’.
This does three important things:
It helps wire your brain to notice the positives and that in turn makes it easier for you to notice the positives in the future.
It helps them notice you noticing the positives, and we know children learn far more from modelled behaviour than being told what to do.
It shows them how to vocalise the positives out loud. Our brains really do listen to what we say about ourselves and about the world, so getting their brain neurons to make pathways that are all about positivity and gratitude is a plus for all year round.
Connect
It is easy to get into the habit of going through the list of jobs and only feeling like you’ve accomplished something with your day if you’ve done ‘all the things’, but actually dedicating an amount of time to do something 1:1 with your child, really helps them to feel like a team with you and this in turn helps any negative attitude. There is a blog you can read here all about connection (Hyperlink needed).
That’s all well and good Rach, but they’re being ungrateful now!
Ok ok I get it. Now some of this will be developmental, some will be age dependent and some will be genuine feelings of dissatisfaction.
Navigating all this is hard work. When your child mentions something they’re feeling hasn’t gone well or that they’ve missed out, detach your feelings from their experience. It isn’t about you and you’re coming at the situation knowing logical and practical considerations so will draw different conclusions from the same set of circumstances. Also, go back to the reflection activity as it will help you.
A key point to do is always acknowledge their feelings. ‘You’re feeling disappointed and sad you didn’t get the big present you asked for. It’s hard when we don’t get the things we want.’ This shows you are comfortable with them having a full range of emotions, and you are noticing how they are feeling. Let us be realistic, they are unlikely to wander over and discuss this in a logical way with you, their outburst may be calling something stupid or saying they hate it. Look for the feeling beneath the action and acknowledge that instead. Feeling heard and seen is crucial for children to move past disappointment or any big feeling.
Finally, be kind to yourself.
Acknowledge your sadness / disappointment / resentment about situations. Pushing these feelings down is not healthy. If you have a positive outlet for big feelings, definitely get it back into your routine as soon as possible.
If you’d like to get involved with Connecting Creatively then take a look at our timetable of workshops to book on HERE.