Putting On Your Oxygen Mask First
Becoming a single parent has been likened to a plane crash, the sensations and feelings are often the same and so are the safety instructions. Attend to your own oxygen mask before your children’s. As if you need to be in a fit and healthy position in order to be able to care for your children.
At Single Parents Wellbeing we want single parents to fully appreciate the importance of self care. Self care is essential and not selfish.
When we become a single parent we go into survival mode, trying to deal with the hear and now, just like that plane crash. Mostly making sure that our children are doing OK and compensating for any guilt or difficult feelings that come up for us as single parents.
But as time goes on we have to heal and grow too, we have to learn to love our new lives. At the heart of this is self care and love. This is a daily practice and it may be small things that we can do everyday, or it may be big things that we do on a monthly or weekly basis. We are hear to shout from the roof tops that SELF CARE IS ESSENTIAL. You aren’t a robot and need love and nourishment too. The ripple effect that this will have in your lives and those around you is huge.
Journal prompts:
Can we put ourselves first?
Do you put yourself first?
What things do you do to put yourself first?
How do you feel about this?
How does everyone feel about self love/ care?
Does our ability to love ourselves, internally and who we are, have an impact on our requirement to love others?
Think about this quote from Brene Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection.
“Cultivating self love and self acceptance is not optional. They aren’t endeavours that I can look into if and when I have some spare time. They are priorities”
Brene Brown
Self love and acceptance seems revolutionary for many people. This notion alone can seem selfish and may reflect on the capacity at which they were loved or have been shown love. That they aren’t worthy of this love, care and attention. Even towards themselves.
We want to know what you think about the importance of self love and the idea that we can’t love others more than we love ourselves. Reflect on this for a moment, have a think about 1 small thing you could say differently to yourself when your inner critic is going wild. Or 1 big thing you could do to declare your love for yourself. You are enough, you are worthy, you are loved.
Those little eyes on you everyday watching how you treat yourself, how you put everyone else first and how badly you think of yourself, will have an effect on how they see themselves. Remember you are half of your children, and at least that half deserves the love that you give your children and the goodness that you see in them.
“Through our children I have learned to really love unconditionally, to be compassionate at times when I am feeling horrible, and to be so much more giving. I look at my daughter and she looks so much like me, I can see myself as a little girl. This reminds me to be kinder to the little girl that lives inside me and to love and accept her as my own. It is love for my girls that makes me want to be a better person and work on loving and accepting myself.”
Brene Brown.
The people we love inspire us to heights of love and compassion that we might never have achieved otherwise. Figure out our own stuff in order to love them better.
Self love becomes a requirement for loving others. So start with yourself, and again the ripple effect and what radiates out of you will attract healthy and happy relationships.
“If you can’t love yourself then how in the hell you gonna love somebody else.” Rupaul.
Key points to take away:
We love others fiercely, especially our children, maybe more than we think we love ourselves, but that fierce love needs to drive us to be compassionate with ourselves.
It’s about constantly learning and growing as a person, wanting to learn to love and accept ourselves means that a ripple effect is felt on those around us. We can break a cycle, of unhealthy relationships and pass something new onto our children and loved ones.
You can’t drink from an empty cup.
You’re important too.