Spotlight Interview- Katy Thomas Director and Project Manager at Mothers Matter

Mothers Matter was set up by Katy Thomas after she saw a gap in what is needed for new mums struggling with their mental health. We love how compassionate her services offer. In this interview Katy talks openly about her struggles with mental health after her daughter was born and how other mums can reach out, get support and not feel alone in their thoughts.

Tell us about Mothers Matter and how it began?

Our aim is to offer all pregnant women, mothers and their family’s guidance, advice, listening opportunities and support from the first trimester through to when Mum is ready to leave us.

We give mothers the opportunity to be listened to and meet others. We offer this through a 10 week community programme and counselling.  We work with our clients and their families in trying to fulfil their needs to bring down poor mental Health.    

What services do you offer?

·         Online Support                    

·         Support                                 

·         Counselling                                                      

·         Peer support                         

·         Pregnancy pals - community support

·         Workshops

·         Support to family members

·         Coffee mornings 

·         Wellbeing mornings at our Hub

·         Wellbeing drop ins at our offices

Tell us about the Wellbeing Hub and how Mothers can access this?

Our Hub is run by volunteers and is open to new mums and babies in arms. We have guest speakers and workshops run from the Hub.

We offer a safe space for mums to come and meet others and make friends. We also have a counsellor on site every week and give mums the opportunity to be listened to and exchange stories.

Some mums just love to come and have a hot cuppa while we hold their babies and a hot piece of toast. Mothers can access us through online services, social media, phone or just popping along.

What is your own mental health journey?

How Mothers Matter began.

Hi all my is Katy, I am a mother of two children and 10 animals (I love to nurture) and I am the driving force behind Mothers Matter. I am a fully qualified counsellor in a GP surgery and put all my time Into Mothers Matter. I would like to give you some insight behind Mothers Matter and why it was developed.

 I had a very traumatic time on my journey into Motherhood, I had endless baby loss due to suffering with endometriosis and a tilted womb, I had IVF after 5 baby losses. which I was very lucky to have caught first time through IVF, however the road to get there was endless and tiring. Looking back, I have no idea how my marriage survived the Anxiety and stress of the mountain we were climbing. Then of course came this beautiful baby who I longed for. She cried A LOT, she fed A LOT, she did not like sleeping at all and she wouldn’t take to breast!!! Argh this was not supposed to happen.

 “I GOT THIS”

 Being the “I wanted this baby more than anything”, person and so tangled up in my thoughts I plodded on and eventually burnt out and had this constant fog follow me round for weeks/Months, I felt I had no energy and I knew it was because I was putting my all into being a mum, I had to show everyone I was the best because I wanted her so much. I knew what I was doing but I was lost in my thoughts I could not stop.

 Then came complete burn out. I cried for what seemed forever, where was the support? Where can I go for help? There was no-one.

 My friend called over one Saturday morning and said to me “Katy you can’t do this on your own, you need to see some-one.

 So I booked a private therapist, WOW that therapist changed my life, We did so much work on attachment as I wouldn’t let my baby out of my sight, we also did work on my thoughts and behaviours. I felt great. They made me realise I had suffered so much loss I just wanted to hold on to what I had with everything I had and not show any signs of failure. I was so grateful that my friend acknowledged I needed the help and supported me to do so. If only I had someone to support me sooner who would have noticed the signs.

Then along came morning sickness and headaches “I couldn’t possibly be pregnant; I can’t have children naturally?” Then a positive pregnancy test…Yikes! This was not supposed to happen. What am I meant to do now? I told my husband who was over the moon. So, I thought maybe it will be ok. I thought that, I don’t have to do it alone and I have people around me, It will be ok.  20 weeks in and I started to have overwhelming waves of guilt, “what am I doing to my precious baby bringing another one into the world?”, “How will I love her when I give Faith all my love”, “how can I possibly talk to someone about not loving my baby?” I revelled in these thoughts for weeks, I hated every minute of it. I just wanted to give my baby all of my time, because time is so precious being a working mum. Then at 24 weeks I fell ill with preeclampsia and all of those feelings of just wanting to be with my baby were exacerbated as I had to stay in hospital. No one had ever looked after my baby  before, I was worried, I felt sick and I felt completely out of control of my own life. I was in hospital for a week and then I was sent home and then a week later I was back in. This continued for the full pregnancy. My one-on-one time with my daughter had stopped and I had no control over it, I was so poorly and I hit rock bottom. My thoughts got worse and I resented being pregnant. This was not what I wanted. I kept all my thoughts to myself as there was no-one who I could express this kind of thought to, who would possibly understand? It felt unhealthy. At 41 weeks I went into labour after being in hospital for 4 weeks. I laboured for just 40 minutes and out she came a beautiful baby girl, it was so fast I went into shock and I lost a lot of blood, I actually felt like I was going to die, I remember turning to my husband and saying “please don’t let me die”. After a few hours and a lot of stitches I was a bit wobbly and not quite with it, but I felt happy, I felt joy and all I really wanted to do was get home to my first born.

The guilt continued and I overcompensated my guilt a lot and I really put all my efforts into my first born. I truly wish there was someone there I could have gone to and expressed how I felt without judgement, if only I was told this is a natural feeling and I am not the only person to ever feel this. Over time it got easier as my first born was in school and I had a lot of time alone with my 2nd and our bond became beautiful. I was so glad I called her Daisy as I felt we blossomed together at such a traumatic time. She happens to be a mini version of me now.

I always had this burning want in my stomach to develop a service for pre and postnatal women, in the hope no-one else will ever feel spiralled up in their thoughts. I wanted to make that support available that I didn’t have after my losses and my children. Sometimes all women want is support, someone to chat to and the opportunity to meet other mums and exchange stories.

So along came Mothers Matter and what a journey I have encountered. It has been truly enlightening so far. Meeting so many inspiration mums and beautiful babies, there is no better feeling than making a difference to a mums life and offering the opportunity to someone to finally be heard.

What would you say are the first steps for a Mum that is struggling with their mental health?

To reach out, get support and talk about it with others. Because if your feeling it I absolutely guarantee someone else out there is feeling it too. Talk to your HV or midwife, reach out to charities like Mothers Matter. We can call out and listen to you.

Where can people find you and what are your social media handles?

Via out website:

Mothers Matter (mothersmattercic.co.uk)

Via social medias:

Mothers Matter Facebook and Instagram