World Mental Health Day 2023- Stigma, Cost of Living and the Need to Connect By Jules Tobin

This World Mental Health Day the theme is ‘make mental health and wellbeing for all a global priority.’ Therefore, we asked our Wellbeing Ambassador Jules Tobin to reflect on the challenges of managing as a single parent, the impact on my mental health and the challenges presented by the cost of living crisis.

This World Mental Health Day we are calling on Government and funders to put a priority on organisations that support single parents and listen to their voices around the disproportionate impact that the cost of living crisis, stigma and covid has had and continues to have on single parents mental health and wellbeing.

Being a Single Parent

When I became a single parent I battled with many feelings of guilt, failure, shame, anxiety, increased responsibility, and exhaustion. I often felt the stigma of being a single parent; found in small exchanges with strangers who ask, 'will you have more children?', 'Oh you know it's cruel to have only one child', without knowing anything about my situation. Or attending gatherings attended by couples and families and being looked at by strangers for not controlling or keeping enough of an eye on my child, while trying to be social and do the job of two parents or realising that you attend somewhere at discount if only I had another child and a partner. Although I didn't feel stigma all the time, and on reflection I think I added to this with my own self-consciousness and feelings, causing myself increased isolation. 

The Need For Support and Commonality

I have felt so grateful to have found single parent wellbeing, and to know that I am not the only one going through this and these feelings.  All be it I spent my first year as a facebook group stalker rather than an active participant, but attending their well being sessions and being asked to become an ambassador has been a huge confidence boost for me at a time that I was still recovering from a difficult period. 

The Impact of Covid

Prior to this, like many, covid lockdowns were a very challenging time, with mixed emotions. The positive was that I got more time with my child than I had had since he was 8 months old, the negatives were being away from family and friends and the stresses of a work life balance. This led to me developing poor mental health, not prioritising my self care, not being kind to myself or demonstrating the compassion for myself that I would give to others. I suffered an increase in anxiety and depression leading to me stepping away from my first permanent job in years; something that had been a goal to achieve. Now I reflect back and can see how far I have progressed since then, and making a conscious choice to be more actively involved with single parent wellbeing has played a part in this. 

Cost of Living Crisis

However the challenges never stop and now single parents face the difficulty of the cost of living crisis which is impacting so many to various degrees. For the single parents it is a particularly challenging time, after all there is only so far you can stretch a pound. For me I have been fortunate that I have a steadfast roof over my head. However, not many almost 40 year olds dream of still living with their mother. I am extremely grateful for this support but ideally I would be far more independent than I currently feel. My situation is the result of a complex mix of circumstances including job security, juggling child care and a full time job, mental health and of course history with an ex. I have explored the option of moving out but as the cost of living rises this no longer feels like a feasible option on a single part time income. I complete regular searches for properties to rent in Cardiff, not wanting to move my son away from his school, but often there are no properties than come up within my budget. A rental budget that has now been decimated by the likely overheads of heating a property and running a car. So for now I will remain where I am waiting for the crisis to pass and an opportunity to buy or rent within my budget. 

Make Single Parent Organisations a Priority

Juggling single parenting with various degrees of support, prioritising our mental well being, and taking on the cost of living crisis is a big challenge. I am aware that my situation is far more fortunate than many single parents who's rents are going up as well as bills and may not have the family and friends support that I am lucky to have. As things become more difficult it’s important to pull on the support that is out there. The joy of meeting like minded people, who are kind and compassionate cannot be overstated. It can sometimes feel like no one gets it, but of course there are many that do.

 I would encourage anyone who is feeling a bit lonely, isolated and unsure of where to turn to reach out to single parent wellbeing. The peer lead group is a fountain of knowledge and support, and as we enter another chapter of challenges, I hope it will provide the support to others as it has to me.  

If you are a single parent that would like to join Single Parents Wellbeing then you can join our FB Group here, come along to an event here, or even set up an event in your area of Wales here.

If you are struggling with your mental health then check out our Resources page for lots of helplines and websites to reach out for support, or attend one of our Wellbeing Workshops.